I’m So Tired

I don’t know how much more I can take. I’m tired and I’m at my breaking point.

My little girl is turning 5. She is beautiful and witty and so damn funny but she is also suffering. She has melt downs, all day every day. She is aggressive, impulsive, hyperactive but yet can be so sweet, loving and caring.

I know I can’t be the only mom out there going through this. Nowadays there is so much judgement and pressure to be supermom. I feel disapproving eyes now not only at the grocery store when I tell B she can’t have a candy bar or at the park when it’s time to go home. But I’m constantly comparing our lives to those of our friends on Facebook, posting pictures of their little ones happily standing in a long ass line at Disneyland. (Hell I can’t even get B to stand in line long enough to pay for our groceries) There is so much judgement surrounding behavioral issues in children. I constantly find myself making excuses of why we can’t come to birthday parties or dinners or play dates because at any moment I know that something will set her off and a melt down will breakout.

Explaining the issues we are dealing with to friends and family is daunting and sometimes I feel like nobody understands what we are going through.

Its this constant feeling of I wish our life could be normal. It’s the guilt at bedtime because I’ve yelled all day. The tears that hit my pillow every night when I wish that I could just get through to her. It’s waking up each morning with the best intentions to have a “good” day that is until the uncontrollable tantrums begin.

I’ve started this blog because I know that there are other families out there going through the same thing. I’m committed to doing anything and everything I can to help my little girl.

 

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